Rescue Me

It's been a long time since I've updated last. I keep thinking of things I want to write about, but by the time I actually sit down to write, I've already forgotten the subject matter. And it also appears that these bits and pieces are getting more and more personal. However, as a writer, it's hard not to have your words reflect your feelings.

Recently I've come across a show that I've really, really enjoyed. It's a drama that's incredibly crude, rude, and tough to watch at times but unveils the dark, dirty fundamental aspects of humanity.

And it really is wonderful. I adore this show. A group of firefights face fires nearly everyday, risking their lives to help others, all the while finding it near impossibly to help themselves. They lie, they cheat, they steal, they curse, they beat each other up, they're prejudiced, and they all show a wide array of emotions.

I feel that this show has accurately portrayed the average person.

And now I've been reflecting. You see, when I watch this show, there are occasional scenes involving strong emotions in which I tear up. It's normal for me; I cry a little at really sad or really happy movies or television shows. However, a new variable has entered the equation: a strong, nearly physical pang of feeling in my chest. As in I actually clutch my chest as several strong floods of emotions rip through my body. It's kind of scary in some ways, but I also think it's a sign.

I don't play much music anymore. I hardly play any games with significant plot. I haven't had a real deep talk with anyone in the past few months. I hardly write anymore. I'm stressed from work, from bills, from my erratic sleep schedule... I think my body is struggling for an emotional release.

I think it's time for me to find that outlet. And I also think it's time for me to fix my insecurities and my unorganized life. However, one step at a time. First step completed: acknowledge that I have things to fix. Next step? Plan a schedule.

Oh yeah. And it's time to work on my confidence, too. Another part of my insecurities. It's time to ask someone on a date.