For a long time, I've feared that I may be making a very, very bad decision to help someone who at first appeared to desperately need help. And, over the past few weeks, this person has slowly eradicated all my financial stability. As unhappy as this fact makes me, it also helps me realize some things about myself.
1. I try to do good as much as possible, even when things seem a little off.
2. I have a weak will. Or rather, a will susceptible to stronger ones.
I'm a little okay with the first revelation, but the second one actually ticks me off. I had always thought myself as strong-willed since I have managed to avoid most peer pressure, I moved out of my parents' house of my own volition, and I've won the respect of all my peers. I never expected one person would be able to completely and utterly break down the defenses I had built and infiltrate my mind. *sigh*
Well, I guess it's a good thing I've realized this. I need to be able to say, "No." I need to be able to stand up for myself when I feel taken advantage of. I need to become a stronger person.
I need someone.
"Good News, Everybody!"
Oh? Really? Could this be the news I've been hoping for?!
This evening, a fellow associate of mine said something that made me feel like I was in high school again. What do you mean, "What the heck are you talking about?" Well, she told me, "Looks like you have a little admirer." Indeed, I was spending a little extra time with someone from work (due to a law-breaking citizen), but I could feel myself trying to keep my face from blushing! I was thoroughly surprised. I hadn't felt that way in a long, long time. And I'm smiling right now. Of course, along with that high school feeling also came slight insecurity and the ever-present, "Wait. Will this be reciprocated?" However, it's definitely a wonderful feeling.
However, I feel I must be very careful in both endeavors. I feel that I could easily be destroyed from the inside out by failing at either focus. I think it's time for me to revisit my Tarot post for some insight.
Yeah. Definitely close to having a panic attack.
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